Yeah, that's pretty much what I said.................

Truth

Staying in

Today is clearly one of those days where you just say, ah fuckit I'm staying in bed. I remember days where I used to stay in bed with a good cup of coffee just writing. And not for work, (cos I get paid now to write) - yeah that happened! Don't worry it's not a glam as it sounds, it's always about the stuff you have to write about and not the things you'd love to write about. But that's okay, because my blog is still alive and kicking and so am I. So all's good.

One of the things I'm trying to establish, is where the hell one would go to try and put a book together and essentially get it published. And if anyone thinks I don't know how to google, trust me when I say this, I am the google queen. But it's more a matter of who is the exact right person to approach in my position. So, any takers? I don't see any hands in the air... the search continues.

I have mounds of content, I guess I might just need to ask a guy who knows a guy and go from there. The rest of the day will entail more work writing, possibly some Girlfriends Guide to Divorce, cos yip, that has started again - Thanks Hayley - and a lot of coffee. It's cold here today, but I'm doing my best to keep warm.........................

Peace x

The pause button's broken

Today I am elated. Today I am struggling. Today I am letting my mind go to the place that it’s not meant to… I’m thinking about the purpose of life, the meaning of it all. Why all the struggles just to get to the happy place we all dream of, when as soon as we get there, instead of enjoying it, we start to worry about the thought of losing it. 

Why are we so concerned about the fact that one day it’s going to end? Why am “I” so concerned about it. Why do I feel like when I’m unhappy I wish I could go back in time to fix things, yet when I’m happy I want to go back in time and start it all a bit earlier? Or am I just like everybody else?

I’m listening to a song by The Script and it reminds me of the time that my sister and I danced in Grand West Casino’s hall to the concert and I remember the actual feeling. The joy, the happiness, the feeling of nothing else mattered. That moment right there is on my list of moments that I wish I could revisit. But we can’t. All we can do is look at the photos or listen to the song and remember the feeling, relive the feeling from where we’re sitting right now. 

Everything is amazing, every moment now is amazing, yet each day spent is another day towards the end. I don’t want it to end, I don’t understand why I’m here, I don’t understand why I had to struggle and then why when I’m happy, I have to accept that it will end at some point. Why? 

Why can’t I have all the time to see the world, make more mistakes, make more happy memories. Why do I need to be here if it’s not my choice? My choice is to live on forever. I am sad that I can’t plug into a device and virtually relive that experience, or just plug in and spend every day reliving the happiest moments. I feel sad that I don’t understand what’s really going on and I’m told to just go along with it. 

Life is actually just about enjoying the moments that are happening every day. there is no happily ever after, it’s happily every day. I don’t want it to end and I want to go back to certain things and I want to bottle up certain things. I want time to stop, it’s moving too fast.