Today I am elated. Today I am struggling. Today I am letting
my mind go to the place that it’s not meant to… I’m thinking about the purpose
of life, the meaning of it all. Why all the struggles just to get to the happy
place we all dream of, when as soon as we get there, instead of enjoying it, we
start to worry about the thought of losing it.
Why are we so concerned about
the fact that one day it’s going to end? Why am “I” so concerned about it. Why
do I feel like when I’m unhappy I wish I could go back in time to fix things,
yet when I’m happy I want to go back in time and start it all a bit earlier? Or am I just like everybody else?
I’m listening to a song by The Script and it reminds me of the time that my
sister and I danced in Grand West Casino’s hall to the concert and I remember
the actual feeling. The joy, the happiness, the feeling of nothing else
mattered. That moment right there is on my list of moments that I wish I could
revisit. But we can’t. All we can do is look at the photos or listen to the
song and remember the feeling, relive the feeling from where we’re sitting
right now.
Everything is amazing, every moment now is amazing, yet each day
spent is another day towards the end. I don’t want it to end, I don’t
understand why I’m here, I don’t understand why I had to struggle and then why
when I’m happy, I have to accept that it will end at some point. Why?
Why can’t I have all the time
to see the world, make more mistakes, make more happy memories. Why do I need
to be here if it’s not my choice? My choice is to live on forever. I am sad
that I can’t plug into a device and virtually relive that experience, or just
plug in and spend every day reliving the happiest moments. I feel sad that I
don’t understand what’s really going on and I’m told to just go along with it.
Life is actually just about enjoying the moments that are happening every day.
there is no happily ever after, it’s happily every day. I don’t want it to end
and I want to go back to certain things and I want to bottle up certain things.
I want time to stop, it’s moving too fast.
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