Like it doesn't hurt...

Letters from the sky

And then one day... the sky broke................ <3

Searching..

Funny how you just grow into music..... Sometimes you're just not ready for it.. And then one day, you just are...

You know your truth by the way it feels...

It's so true though isn't..... People will think, "oh look another quote" ..... But think about it...... The truth of any situation is in "feeling" ................... Does this make me feel uncomfortable, does this make me feel happy, does this make me laugh, does this make me sad, does this make me feel good, like I want to do it again.... and again..... or feeling something inside that you didn't know you could feel? Whether good or bad.... All those feelings are "truths" about your mind, body and heart.... Why not just listen............. and follow through............ it's funny how clear things become.................. and how GOOD that makes me feel.... becoming clear on what my truths are. It's pretty special. 

Why is everyone messing around

Life is so short.... and it's evident that when things in your life are perhaps not ideal, and you hear of tragedy, it affects you that much more................

Here we all are worried about relationships and who we love and what's inside and this one wanting to divorce that one and unsure about people's feelings, and taking time to figure out shit and second chances cos these are the "toughest" situations we have to deal with.... and they probably are, but it's cos NO ONE thinks anymore about the whole "it could be worse" scenario anymore... NO ONE thinks about what they have......... we're all running around chasing paper and pipedreams and ignoring the love we already have, the home we have, the work we have, the friends we have....... cos society said "you deserve better" and "you can have whatever you want", so guess what ... we go after whatever we want.... not knowing that life does in fact come with boundaries and you can't actually just have whatever you want..... it's so sad how the world has changed.............

When a guy dies.............................. and someone has lost a father.................. someone has lost a husband.................... when they thought they had thousands of "tomorrows"............ and heaven forbid if one thing was left unsaid, one truth, one "i love you" or "thank you" or ............ "sorry"

I immediately thought of the person / people in my life..... if anything had to happen to them............ and let me tell you something if you will let your mind imagine that feeling, actually see it in your mind..... the feeling of no more tomorrows with them..... well let's just say.... they always say, "don't spend time with someone or find someone who you can "live with" ..... be with someone / spend time with the people you "can't live without"...... When you know, you know.... go for that. Don't kid yourself.... That's why smarter people end up with fewer friends...

We all have a lot of emotional growing up to do.......................... I could die tomorrow... anyone could. Why am I or anyone wasting their time...see your family, check in with your friends, love your husbands and wives, leave the relationships where love is gone.... spend it with those who do.... Just ya... it's a an endless conversation or discussion I guess.......

I guess the old truth always goes that other people's deaths teach others to live... lessons are everywhere... it's to pay attention to them that makes it worthwhile in the grand scheme of life.....anyway we're all different... we learn at different times from different situations............. I get that.... but yeah, This story just affected my thoughts...........

RIP D.P

Such special things to discover.

A step at a time..

Aaaaaaah..........This is home to me..................................................
I want to live every day in the way this makes me feel. How do I get there.......? haha

When you realise what really makes you happy, what makes Me happy.... it was such simple, simple things, and it all came back to music... and feeling.... The passion and depth that live inside these people.... and it has always ignited it in me... Hmmm, how far gone am I in the stuff I've been interpreting as happiness.... not that I wasn't happy at the time..... But I guess I allowed myself to find happiness in everything I did anyway.....but was it my ultimate version.....? I don't know... But it's always good to give yourself time to remember who you are when you have no choice but just being you.... But yeah..... Wow....... this is just moving and incredible on another level.,,,

There is nothing clear about the colour grey

It just doesn't make sense......................

How life has changed....

I think I belong to yesteryear.........

when tradition was important and the old school way of life made us happier than dreaming the impossible dream.

Halt and Catch Fire

Aaaaaaaaaaaah Hurry up, we're dying here without the eps... Well it might just be me, haha, having serious withdrawal.... quite possibly one of the coolest series in a long time...........

Coldplay - Violet hill

Pleasure Machine

Living is all the moments experienced, moments shared, especially around people you dig and love all the while being in a space that makes you feel good.............

A public page has been opened for my Uncle in his memory and from what I can see.... he was more of a legend in the music industry than I believed him to be. Pleasure machine - when I listen to the Pleasure machine videos (in this blog) it's like its from a Movie! Wild.... Guess that was the 60s for you :) So cool to hear.......... I've only ever known him to be playing cover music (albeit ever so brilliantly) at many different venues. But he was so much more than that which I only recently learned. He composed his own music... He actually had a CD made that was meant to be released but the guy who had it is his possession hadn't gone so far as to do so....... I don't like that "I never knew that" feeling about someone I care about when it's too late.... we should pay more attention to people who mean something to us.... we forget to ask questions and really listen and hear the stories. Anyway.....

I don't think he had much toward the end, but he still had his music....... and he was a fun, charismatic part of the family as crazy as he was. It was difficult to hear that he had passed away because him and my dad really were like best friends, and he was probably one the closest to me from that side of the family, because of comfort and familiarity to my childhood days.... Childhood - like I'm some old woman now, hahahaa. But really I just mean that part of my life. The days where I was growing up. We had a cool bond.....

My dad said something the other night and it just hit home, he said it's just so final... and that he just can't believe he won't see him even one more time, ever again... Anyway the life and death blog is for another time, because people still don't understand that all of this is temporary and that we needn't hide behind all the rules and norms....we should just do it how we choose......... and do it in a space that makes us feel good. At least he was doing that...It's one memory I'll always have of him.... whenever I saw him, he was always happy.....

May your soul rest in peace Uncle Gerry.......

Photos from the 60s

Awarded The best instrumentalist in his section.... Hahaha......I had no idea.....!

                                            

                                            On the Go Show 1968 Audio recording...............

An artist even............... I guess when you're creative, there are no areas you can't try your hand at...

Some of the music composed by him...... played with my dad and other uncle... they really just jammed every chance they got....... 

                                          

Sundays.........

It's Sunday and I'm just here crying at Britain's got talent auditions. Hahahaa... It's not as melancholy as it sounds, it's cool out, heater on.... Its where I want to be today. When a 15 year old guy sits down in front of a piano...... And sings a billy Joel song...... I'm already cold.... Then pan to dad and younger brother (of about 8 yrs) ...... dad's got tears in his eyes with full hope and nerves, basically feeling everything on behalf of his son.... Then you see the younger brother and he's welling up, chin trembling and his tears start to fall..... An eight year old boy, crying, for his brother, well that was me. I was finished...

Oh and of course he got through.. Happy tears........ The best kind.

And check this other guy out, because It's my new favorite song....

 

Dusting off the olivetti

Wow, to be out of practice..... It isn't easy.... you type something, delete it, type another thing, delete that... At least I'm living in modern times, where pulling the page out of my olivetti and crumpling it up is a familiar writers' experience I don't need to be concerned with. Though my concern would be more with the basketball hoop throw I need to make into the trash can. That said, it's no less disheartening. I imagine as with anything that you need to revisit (sort of 'post novice' style), you just ease into it. Like riding a bike after years, you're a little wobbly at first, but eventually you're Chris Froome in the Tour de France .......... leading........

mk.

I tried to carry you and make you whole, but it was never enough, I must go.......
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone? And who'll watch over you when I'm gone?
You say you care for me but hide it well.... How can you love someone and not yourself?
And when I'm gone who will break your fall? Who will you blame?
I can't go on and let you lose it all... It's more than I can take.....

Life is hard and then you die.

I haven't written in a while.... and it's obvious why, when I think about it. We only get creative through feelings of pain, chaos or confusion. Not that I am ever entirely free of these things, but there's an acceptable norm that comes with life.... and then there are the parts that shouldn't be acceptable at all, really....

If I had to be told I had 5 years left to live............ what would go through my mind... Would I be happy with where I am ? Would I feel that I've done the right thing by everyone I care about? But more importantly done right by "me"?

The point is... we don't get told. We just live each day hoping that we are part of the norm (live a long life, leave this earth when we're old and tired) But nobody knows what's in store. So how do we please everyone and please ourselves at the same time? Or do we just choose one person who, when you're pleasing them, you're pleasing yourself and visa versa, as it is that way for them as well. I guess then you've got it right. How difficult is this though...  I guess that's why there are so many lonely hearts in the world.

It's not fair that people hurt other people, it's not fair that people die young, it's not fair that the ones who are still around are not living their lives right and the ones who were - die. It's not always the case. But a lot of the time it is.. Sometimes I believe that the deaths that are the most shocking to accept are the lessons for the living. It hurts and affects us when the people who are meant to go, go. How terrible that we need to constantly be taught the lesson that life is short...we aren't chasing our dreams or making the most of what we're meant to.

We all have choices........... how much we choose to accept, how much we choose to ignore..... how much we choose to let in...... what we choose to do, say and feel.

RIP Peter Laz. Taken too soon................

Never ending love for this car