We only ever exist in 'today'

Everything I had in mind for myself, and everything I still I do, seemed so far away to be concerned with at the time. When you're in high school, it's all about 'what will you study and what would you like to be when you're done?' you never get depressed and answer, 'I'd like to do this, but most likely case is that I'll hate it half way through and drop out and probably get a job through someone I know because he coincidently needs someone right now and I have bills to pay.' you smile at the question and the prospect of it all and enter a sort of daydream at time of explanation. Then when you're outta school and studying perhaps - if you managed to get there so far.... Your friends and family all talk about when you're older what do you want to have in your life that'll that'll prove you've made it as far as being happy goes? And at what ages doing what? And we all say the exact same thing, as if by some genetic inheritance, we are all meant to yearn after the same eventual style of life and process it takes to get there. We respond by saying, 'I'd like to be in a job that I do well in and enjoy, potentially successful at, happily married to my best friend and kids even. I'll have done all that I wanted to do, like see other places in the world, and you know, nice home, pets and the rest.... We actually smile while we say this... As if it's some beautiful wrapped package deal that we are just waiting to receive when we're ready to. There's no shuddering at the thought, no anxious feeling of, what if no one wants me, or the dr tells me I'll never be able to have children, or my job isn't great enough to really even cover the bills let alone have a great house. Not even one of these thoughts cross our minds at the point in time that the plan evolves in ours minds and starts being discussed among others. And why is that? Why is it that no one goes, flip.... Well that sounds a little over ambitious dontcha think? You're basically saying you're going to have it all!? No one tells you that your little fairy tale idea of how things pan out, never pans out that way, women start extending their age of when they'll be married, they downscale their number of kids in mind if they even know they can and still want them at all.... Their dream home will never be their dream home - fact. And they develop allergies and can't have any fucking cats and there isn't a big enough yard for any dogs. Wow, depressing.. Welcome to real life. PS, we didn't wanna ruin your day dream, but now that you're here and shit's a mess... Well, um.... Surprise!!!! I guess the sad thing about all of this, is that for a long time we all say one day, or later, or some day.... But even though there is so much life left to live.... This already IS the some day, one day, later part.... And Jesus! didn't it creep up out of nowhere.... Coz trust me I'm not sitting here now, still, and going someday I'll be this and have that and and.... Ok maybe a little, I'm not thaaat old yet. ;) But.... My smile isn't as big as is was when I said it in high school, and my daydream isn't as mesmerizing and cloud nine feeling as it was when I was fresh out of school. So yeah, it's sad that our smiles should start to disappear, but rather that than the dreams change to less just in order to wear a smile in the dream.... I suppose it'll be different for everyone.