In this moment

So its late, I'm a tad sick.. on the up I think though, which is good considering the life I returned to was pretty much the life I left... Funny that, given it was only 3 weeks I was away. Haha... but yes, one can only dream of change I guess. Well that's why we make our own changes. Not all is doom and gloom though, I have a lot to show and a lot that I realised, enjoyed, experienced and also... came back to. Before I get ahead of myself with the tours' experiences and all the pics I could possibly load here, a few things..

-In London, every mechanical machine at every moment... tells you what it's doing when it's doing it
-In all the phrasebooks they give you, there's never a phrase that translates to "i'm just looking" which leads to awkward pointing at eyes motion and smiling - so not cool
-Everyone in Europe can pretty much speak English, well, at least where it matters - behind counters
-Tubing all day every day can make you feel like you're still swaying side to side when on stable ground if you stand still at any given time
-Just because you're on the right number train/tube/tram, doesn't mean you're going in the right direction
-Milka is NOT overrated... ever
-Its virtually impossible to fuck up take away tea. So I started getting that to go...
-The top bunk is not just not fun anymore...
-Having coins on you, is almost always necessary... yes, bathrooms have now become a luxury, not a given
-The Eiffel Tower at night, is NOT overrated
-You do not see sexy italians on tour trips in italy, just... tourists.. really.. they're everywhere.
-The ponte vecchio bridge is dear to my heart
-I will go back to Europe tomorrow If i have the chance...

If I could...

Bout time...

One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Adios.....

My days here are numbered..

Hahahahahah, well true as it may be, it's not filled with the demise it sounds to be. My days in the land PE-ness and South African soil are numbered. Yip, 5 sleeps (as an excited child might say) Who counts days these days anyway? If you're in the day things are gonna happen, the feeling living inside of you that day requires no further countdown. So yes, on Wednesday my sleeps will be over, and my flight will be ready.... I don't have anything exciting to talk about and anything I write I imagine will just piss everyone off coz I'll try talk about things of human interest and somehow it'll lead back to convo's of of my trip. I'm sorry, not much else is on my mind. What's going down though in this bit of time though, Quinsley and a couple of the guys are in Welkom, well - shortly arriving - for a mad event.. Can't wait to be a part of the next one, it's been far too long, what with work and travel etc of my own, these things kinda stand in the way, :/ Next time for sure though... anyway..... they're gonna have an insane time, pity not all hanging out my last weekend here, but while everyone's doing cool things, we must be happy for one another.. Good luck QS :) Speaking of cool things, dancing, oh my word.... got a corporate gig hooked up for few of the girls from class for an SAB event, and it went down very nicely. Big up to you guys.... love arranging that stuff and dancing too - when it comes to our rehearsals. Flip, and do we have rehearsals! So many happening now that it's tough keeping up, but ask me where I'd rather be than dancing in studio preparing for showtime.... nowhere.... honestly. It's my 'thing' dig it, nothing's gonna change that. barring, erm, old age and knee pain at some point, hahahahaha, whatevs, still long before that's a concern, I hope! :P 28 is looming.. but don't tell a soul. So yeah loads of dancing, planning for holiday and tying up work vibes - and going out with a Bang on the work vibes. A long cape town trip, which successfully came to a close yesterday. Now for the last minute errands and Dr 'hugs' to make sure all is in order before I say 'Thanks for your email with issues, it is welcomed.. but will only be tended to when I return from my Eiffel tower picnic in Paris, gondola ride in Venice, castle visit in Germany and all the amazing things I can't mention here due to you not giving a shit' But I'm getting it done..... and its Friday - which means packing vibes this weekend. Life is good.... very good... for now.  :) This I know, coz my mind tells me so.

It's not always easy..

Pumped

Excitement's running through my veins, so much so that I'm not sleeping through the night... It's either up super early or up in the middle of the night, and God forbid I try fall asleep once this happens. :/ Not concerned though, I'm convinced I sleep too much anyway, hahaha, I need to start using more of my time to literally do more. Good plan I reckon. We'll see how it goes, i'm sure that concept will be perfect for my holiday, whereas upon return I might be so keeshed, sleep is all I need! Even more exciting, Bron, my closest mate from school days is going to be the roof over me head and a mini tourist for 2 days before the tour starts. She has been begging me for yeeeears to come overseas and spend time with her, I am happy to say that any tiem prior to this probably wouldn't have been ideal, but the spaces and places we're both at now, I'm looking forward to it so much... and at least now I don't need to wonder around London like a lost child in a giant supermarket. Though that would be an experience in itself. But given the time I have there, I'd like to be guided for the most part. So ya, super keen and super ready for that! Works' crazy as expected, so many loose ends to tie up.... but I have booked my groupon voucher for a massage the day before I leave, so I can get on that plane with no tension..... anywhere! It was borderline expiring, so it seemed like perfect timing. Anyway nuf' nonsense talk... still counting down.... and I don't have any any pics of relevance for now that I care to share, but I have a couple cool ones nonetheless of things that still linger on my mind all the time.....

Look at THAT BIKE .........!! (not the chick...) hahahaha !

At long last... a sigh of relief

The stressful wait is finally behind me... now to sit back, and count down.. 14 days..

Awesome

Luxury of light

Ever imagined what it might be like to finish after a long day at work and go home to no light other than natural light, no heat other than the clothes on your back and how ever many blankets you may have, hot water to make a hot drink to warm you up or shower? Well this sounds quite familiar of the lifestyle of a vagrant... and day 3 of mine... yup, no electricity for 3 days now and counting. I have realised the definition of luxury and the importance of warmth in order to survive, because you can take TV and radio.. but warmth in these cold times.. motherfucker. I am close to my deathbed. Ok, well mildly exaggerated as per norm.. but you get the point.

Now this might be quite valiant if I were doing a charity outreach program or entertaining and informative - were this a fully operational documentary trying to allow others to envision the difference between how a suburban female might take to the fatal winter without any feelings in her hands and that of a rural somebody or other that has come to know his life this way. Well......... guess what? It aint a fucking documentary, and if it were for charity, I'd sure as hell like to be recognised for it, or at least get my name in small print somewhere noticed.

Not only do I not have a hot shower to get into, but I'm also sporting wild hairstyles, due to hair drying - au natural, and lets not even entertain the idea of hair straightening. :/ So I come to my office and enjoy the luxuries on heat, tea and light (and the internet) and am seriously contemplating camping out here tonight if there is no elec when the working day is over... Because I cannot take my contact lenses out in the dark one more night or stumble around by candlelight and potentially burn shit any longer... I'm a hazard like that. hahaha. Come on municipality get your shit together, I pay my rates and taxes, well minus the rates - it just sounds cooler when you say the whole thing... haha. Watch this space, if day 4 kicks in - the post might be a little less humorous. Though on the upside.... there's reason to light candles <3

Plug in and tune out

brrrrr

Wow, the cold has crept in........ winter's here, and its started with very little feeling in my fingers and a lot of shivering. On the up side, very soon I'll be feeling a bit of summer again on the opposite side of the world.. can't wait! Until then, I guess I'm just going to have the pump the heaters, drink copious amounts of tea and hope that these things keep me warm until I really feel warm again.

Seems so obvious..

If you compromise how you would be when you are with someone - you are compromising yourself. If you compromise what you would say to someone, then with that person - you are compromising yourself. If you hold back what you feel when you are with someone - you are compromising yourself. The only compromise there should be is when you respect that person's feelings, so therefore selflessly do something which is maybe for them more than it is for you. But that isn't a compromise of who you are......

When you choose a person to be 'your person'... there should be no need for compromise... of who you are. Otherwise that person... isn't the one.

Don't forget the music...

42 days til departure

Wow.. madness... virtual insanity.. ok that went a little far. But I actually recall the very moment I decided it was a good idea, I recall the day I applied for the tour, and I remember thinking to myself... I have almost a year to wait for this holiday to happen, I'm sure it'll fly by, but it seems forever away. Now I'm here, so much excitement, and too, so much ambivalence for reasons other than the trip. But focusing on the excitement stuff is literally making every other issue seem trivial. It's a good thing, trust me, I resemble a loony toon when I let issues dictate my every day life. Well, at least I think so. Ask my best friend, he'll tell you...haha... Well one or two loose ends and on July 4th, I hop on board a flight that I'm sure (almost sure) will be destination - elation....... !

..... almost

Stress relief 101

We are never entirely sure whether the things we choose to be a part of are a good idea or otherwise bad idea, until we are actually in the situation which answers the question. When I find it was in fact a good idea, I'm happy that I made the right choice. When I find is was a bad idea, that's when the problem comes in, because then how do you get out of it.... you're kind there and in it. So now comes the time to adapt to the amount of time you will be in it so as to make it as close to that feeling of 'it was a good idea' as possible. This is fine, when you have 'way out' a means of distraction or........ cigarettes. haha. kidding, but yes, I often wonder which of the two evils is a better means for distracting yourself from the situation you've just put yourself in which seemed like a good idea at the time, but now not so much. Do you:

(A) smoke a cigarette -
      pros: remain level-headed
              inhibitions stay in tact
              stress relief upon every exhale
   
      cons: the problem isn't forgotten - not even temporarily
               your mind works in overdrive as opposed to cruise control
               at worst: your kill your lungs and inevitably yourself

(B) have a drink 'or 2' -
      pros: problem temporarily goes away
              mellow mode kicks in, nothing matters other than the great time you're having
              you feel happy and completely oblivious to issues

      cons: you lose your inhibitions completely
               lose all form of level-headedness
               at worst: seriously bad hangover, regrets, drunk dialing

(C) lose your shit -
      pros: you feel amazing coz you're screaming and/or shouting it out
              you don't have to fake smile
              you don't have the detrimental health side affects of (A) and (B)

      cons: you appear temporarily insane
               you upset a lot of people and inevitably yourself
               you still will be in the situation, but now an even bigger one             

My issue is... in all the above mentioned stress relieving scenarios, the primary and most relative Con, is that the problem in no way or form goes away and in most cases - worsens. fuck. so then.... what does one do? Hulk seems to get it right, maybe we'll chat.

Until then... I've found headphones when surrounded by people whom you don't wish to be around, or going for a drive, with decent music of course. Apparently there's just a cool off period for situations like these where the 'oh shit this was a bad idea' becomes evident. So if you can keep your shit together for that period of time... you won't find yourself dancing on a table in a bar or alternatively with the black lung.

!

Justice Fail

The news...At times it seemed far fetched it was so terrible, so I stopped listening to it... and I know its because the only societal feedback I need from the world are the happenings of entertainment, shows and things I'd like to see and do in the world. I was sorely reminded why it's so depressingly burdening on one's life and thoughts when I read the paper yesterday. Written as 4 'minors' - well if you want to refer to 17 year old perverted, hormonal young men as minors - well, they gang raped a mentally disabled girl and recorded the entire event. (As a joke) coz apparently not everyone finds Demetri Martin funny (just saying) and other comedians of the like, but gang rape video's will fulfill their comical needs. wtf. moving on. What's worse about this story, which kills me when I go on to even think about why the fuck this was able to happen........ but this is the 3rd time that the girl has had this happen to her. But due to her mental disability, her form of description and lack of proof and and.. it was always dismissed in court. So now, what with this video making it around the world and back (unsure whether after the court case or before) she can finally put her perps behind bars. Welllll, so you'd think. According to the "justice" system, these idiots have been let out on R500 bail.... Wooooooooooa don't go too high there, they may not be able to be bailed out! (as if they should be able in the first place) And to make matters worse, they aren't going to be charged of rape. Only assault - which can be fined. Criminal Justice in this country is screwed up beyond description. This is why I don't read the news... every blog would be angry hating... bunch of c you next tuesdays.

True Story

Guess what I almost hit while I was reversing out of my parking?


- A carguard.